Cash On Delivery, The Lost Edition

Photo credit:  GoogleWhen I’m not stalking people on Facebook, I write letters addressed to people that are not signed by me but meant for them and they think it’s from the person that signed it but it’s not, it’s originally from me not the signed and this is an example of a Run-On sentence.

Dear Pink Underwear,
I apologize for any inconvenience.  I had too many drinks last night and passed out in the washing machine.
Red Shirt
Dear Infinity,
Your impersonation of my lazy self is getting old.  There’s only so many times you can do that, right?
Number 8   
Dear Cookie Monster,
I left a batch of freshly baked cookies on my lap.  Bon appetit.
Dear Post Office,
Don’t you think licking your stamps is bit archaic?  You don’t know where my tongue has been.
Dear Angry,
Why you so mad?
Dear Number 6
Does your head hurt when you do that?
Number 9
Dear Vending Machine,
Are you aware of the anti-discrimination laws?  You are not allowed to refuse service based on my appearance.
Crumpled Dollar Bill
Dear Frightened Ostrich
You know I can still see you.
Dear Mr. Grouch,
This letter is to inform you that your 37th loan application has been denied.  Again, It is company policy for all applicants to provide a VALID street address.
Bank of Sesame Street
Dear Costco,
To where do I send complaints regarding reasons why Americans are fat?
Costco Member
Dear Airlines,
Next time you modify the menu, could you notify us in advance?
Head Lavatory
Dear Mcdonalds,
Costco sent me.
Costco Member
Dear Life,
My parents always told me that you weren’t fair.  When the diced was rolled, I ended up in Jail. Imprisoned with only Mediterranean Ave. and one house on Baltic Ave., I realized that they were right.  Life, you’re a dick.
Wheelbarrow Token
This article was inspired by the Open Letter.

7 thoughts on “Cash On Delivery, The Lost Edition”

    1. Dear Writer Chick,
      The surf is small and the local fauna are sleeping, so I am able to reply in a timely manner. Stalk at your own pace.

      Surfer Dude


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