Hershel Strikes Back: Ten More Thoughts From A Dehydrating Turtle

It is a dark time for the rebellion.  Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel…whoops, sorry wrong sequel.

Hershel and I meet up again to discuss current events, video games and his views on domestic violence.

Ten more thoughts for Hershel:

  1. I just came back from a vacation in the Galapagos.  There’s people like me but on land.  Walking turtles.  Fucking crazy.  I bet somewhere there are hairless apes that walk upright.   
  2. That fact where you can face a turtle hatchling away but will always make their way towards the water.  Yeah, that’s bullshit.  One of my juniors ended up in in South Dakota.  I got Hershel juniors everywhere, but how one ends up in a land locked state is fucking beyond me.
  3. Super Mario Bros. owes me royalties.
  4. Did you know the Blue Whale has the largest penis of any animal with an average size of 8 feet?  If you think I’m an asshole, you should know that there’s bigger dicks than me out there.
  5. Did you know the Blue Whale has the largest penis of any animal with an average size of 8 feet?  If Mrs. Whale doesn’t put out, Mr. Whale is gonna have the biggest blue balls of any animal too.
  6. Did you know the Blue Whale has the largest penis of any animal with an average size of 8 feet?  And the animal with the largest vagina is Chris Brown.
  7. Im out of whale punchlines.
  8. When I was in hatchling school, I was voted most likely to succeed.  What a bunch of idiots.
  9. Do you remember when Myspace was cool?  So do I.  So, do I.
  10. I brought you a gift.  It’s a box full of fuck off.

read Hershels first post, 10 Thoughts From A Dehydrating Turtle

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