Category Archives: The Funny

The Not Vanilla Shake

Cravings come in all shapes and colors.  For some, it’s as simple as something edible.  For others, it could be mind altering, detrimental even, such as caffeine, nicotine, crack cocaine or Justin Bieber.

The former was mine and it was screaming vanilla shake.  Not just any vanilla shake.  A Jack in the Box vanilla shake.  The true test of a shake is how much shake you can get in your mouth on the first sip of the straw.  If you can get a cheek full of liquid, then it’s simply a cold drink. With a Jack in the Box shake, the first sip you’ll get, for all intents and purposes, is  jack.    Continue reading The Not Vanilla Shake

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Check Please

I’ll write my first post of this year, reminding myself of the trials and tribulations of dating.  Yippie…

Rollback the year to 2008. America is on the cusp of electing our first black President, Katy Perry is kissing a girl, Heath Ledger does a remarkable Joker impersonation and Kipp goes on a date with a girl ten years younger.

Ironically I met this girl on Facebook, where I typically fend off would be followers.  Daycee, a 20 year old single mother with a pretty profile picture, is the harbinger of intolerance.  More about that later.  She suggests a time and place to meet and I easily comply, being the intelligent gentlemen I is.    Continue reading Check Please

Excuse Me Sir, Do You Mind Putting Out Your Stupidity

Sorry, but stupidity can’t be snuffed out as easily as a cigarette.  Although I wish it could.  There are two points (possibly more, but who has the time?) about the county of Big Islands bill, to raise the purchase of tobacco products from 18 to 21.  If you can’t tell from the header, I’m an opponent to the bill and philosophy.     Continue reading Excuse Me Sir, Do You Mind Putting Out Your Stupidity

How to Tour Hawaii Like A Boss

Planning your next trip to Hawaii?  Here’s the skinny to get the most out of your visit to the middle of the pacific and ensure you vacation like a boss.  Warning, spoiler alert.
  1. Stay in a Bed and Breakfast:  Big name hotels are overrated and taxed to death, passing on the overhead to you the consumer.  Free yourself from the claustrophobic chambers of a three star and boss vacay in style.  Most B&Bs are locally owned and comparingly priced with hotels,  keeping your hard earned cash in the hands of Hawaii residents and not diluted through a national chain.  B&Bs are run by small business owners and pride themselves on customer satisfaction as opposed to big hotels that formulate profits and deal with occupancy numbers.   Hotel formula: happiness = don’t give a fuck    Continue reading How to Tour Hawaii Like A Boss

Hershel Strikes Back: Ten More Thoughts From A Dehydrating Turtle

It is a dark time for the rebellion.  Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel…whoops, sorry wrong sequel.

Hershel and I meet up again to discuss current events, video games and his views on domestic violence.

Ten more thoughts for Hershel:

  1. I just came back from a vacation in the Galapagos.  There’s people like me but on land.  Walking turtles.  Fucking crazy.  I bet somewhere there are hairless apes that walk upright.    Continue reading Hershel Strikes Back: Ten More Thoughts From A Dehydrating Turtle

11 Ways to use Bitstrips

An accidental discovery wound up consuming an entire day.  Well, not the entire day because I advanced a few levels in Candy Crush, but most of it anyways.  First of all, I can’t draw for shit.  Shapes, no problem.  Unless it’s a decagon, because it has just as much sides as my ex-girlfriend.  Second, I think thought bubbles are genius.  It’s like saying something, but not really.

I’d like to reiterate how much I love-hate Facebook.  If you’re a newcomer to my blog, this will bring you up to speed.  The best compliment I can give Facebook is that it’s the best emotional refuse to date.  That I hate.  What I love is when you’re having a bad day, week, year, life, you can count on your News Feed to deliver one poor sap that’s having a (supposedly) worse time than you are, then capitalize with satirical mockery.  Enter Bitstrips.      Continue reading 11 Ways to use Bitstrips