Category Archives: The Funny

The Ever So Useful “Like” Buttone (via Facebook)

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THIS note writing is very therapeutic. you should all try it sometime. especially the ones who really do need therapy. if you’re not sure that you do, please read this…and then he said, “let there be status updates”. the author is not responsible for dizziness, fatigue, ringing in ears, prolonged erection, cannibalism or douchebagacitus that may occur.

With all those updates, applications, mobile uploads, videos, links, who said what to who and who is now friends with me, i had throw in the word me. who really has the time to indulge into all of ones news feed?

unless you’re johnny 5 and all you need is input. mmmm…input. but robots, we are not. cue in the ever so useful “like” button.

maybe the founder of fb foresaw the need for a multifunction tool. as our social network grows, our news feed continuously expands. in my case shrinks like it does after swimming in a pool for two hours,. instead of spending countless hours of “lol” commenting or “don’t worry sweetie, i’ll always be here for you” messages, we can skip the bullshit and just hit the “like” button. at the same time still feel connected to our network of douchebags. yup, two birds with one stone kind of deal. multitasking. or in FPS games, multifragging. wait, there’s more…multipass. pronounced mool-tee-pahs. what…i love movies.

on the other hand, the “like” button genuinely expresses that you really LIKE what is posted. let it be a funny story, pics of ono looking plate lunch, or someones lazy unoriginal attempt of a status update by cut and pasting an original famous quote. hey…im just saying. sometimes, my analytical slant eyes go too far. oh well, thats because i was born squinting.

yes, i have nothing better to do than write about a fucking facebook button. think you can do better? too late, you already slapped me off your friends list. it’s one of mans best inventions, next to duct tape, i give the “like” button a left mouse click with the cursor hovering over the “like” button. you and i have at least two things in common. one, we have tons of news feed jargon to read through, and two, we don’t want disassemble. NO DISASSEMBLE!!

…and then he said, “Let there be status updates” (My first blog entry)

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SO i decided to create a note for this because the discussion of the title above is limitless and will need more than 420 characters allowed in a status update. also, facebooks new “simple” layout will probably be more complicated for those who still drag their knuckles. if you decide to continue reading, know this. i will, to the best of my ability, keep things short, concise and avoid fucking offensive remarks. 


first, let me say my english and composition are horrible. my last English course consisted of Sports Illustrated as the text book. no kidding. hey, the reason i signed up for the class is because of the Swimsuit Edition.  i made it a point, being a facebook user, to not “hide” anyone from the news feed, delete friends (which is another topic worthy of more than 450 characters), or be last place on bejeweled blitz. you’re on my friends list for a reason. either, i know you, we are related, or i fucking hate you. even with those meaningless updates that you post, i will never delete a friend. i will on the other hand, be like a hungry mosquito buzzing in your ear until you slap yourself off my friends list. moving on.

as a friend once mentioned to me, i am trying to get a full understanding of how the Universe works by researching behaviors in Facebook. stupendously, she is correct. you see, our differences on how we comprehend things sets us apart. yet it also brings us together. the ability to comprehend. think. thought. process. 

my views are twisted on certain topics, yes. yet some people are able to look beyond the layers of rude mockery and repulsive conceptions and grasp the idea. others are oblivious to the concept and rather post what monkey they saved in the zoo, how many cucumbers they farmed or persistently share what they’re doing every god damn five minutes. which brings me to my fifth paragraph. why.

since social networking is fairly new to human collective, medical science needs to play catch up. their first diagnosis, i think should be, the disease that compels some people to obey all urges to consistently update their status like a freaking play by play commentator. phew!! my interim word for that is douchebagacitus. if you believe you’re suffering from douchebagacitus, go ahead and slap the mosquito. what in the world is going on in their heads? what in the world is going on in my head? those people who feel the rest of the world needs to know that they’re doing laundry, watching tv, going to work, being bored and reminding the world they’re still doing laundry will forever remain a mystery. 
your 420 characters is yours to manipulate as you please. no doubt it is. what you enter in place of the gray “what’s on your mind”, i read. so do many other people. unless you only have three facebook friends. the question is, are you communicating productively or are you telegraphing that you suffer from a disease yet to be discovered? 

if you made it past Swimsuit Edition, congratulations. if you didn’t, you’re not even reading this sentence anyway and you’re probably trying to beat my bejeweled score. so you’re shit out of luck either way. i’ve concluded that we need stupid people in our lives. stupid friends even. stupid status updates. did you ever wonder if stupid people know that they’re stupid?  they don’t. dogs don’t know that they’re dogs. they only know, eat, shit, sniff ass, shit and chase quickly moving objects. cats don’t know that they’re cats. they only know, move quickly, eat, shit, run away from ass sniffing creature. you get the picture. i hate stupid people. i know you do too. but we live a symbiotic relationship with these dipshits. unfortunately. 
i left this note blank of any tags on purpose. i’ll let fate decide on who will read about this topic. share(share button is on the right of the note) this message and prevent anymore outbreaks of douchebagacitus. please. save as many as you can.