Tag Archives: facebook

Check Please

I’ll write my first post of this year, reminding myself of the trials and tribulations of dating.  Yippie…

Rollback the year to 2008. America is on the cusp of electing our first black President, Katy Perry is kissing a girl, Heath Ledger does a remarkable Joker impersonation and Kipp goes on a date with a girl ten years younger.

Ironically I met this girl on Facebook, where I typically fend off would be followers.  Daycee, a 20 year old single mother with a pretty profile picture, is the harbinger of intolerance.  More about that later.  She suggests a time and place to meet and I easily comply, being the intelligent gentlemen I is.    Continue reading Check Please

11 Ways to use Bitstrips

An accidental discovery wound up consuming an entire day.  Well, not the entire day because I advanced a few levels in Candy Crush, but most of it anyways.  First of all, I can’t draw for shit.  Shapes, no problem.  Unless it’s a decagon, because it has just as much sides as my ex-girlfriend.  Second, I think thought bubbles are genius.  It’s like saying something, but not really.

I’d like to reiterate how much I love-hate Facebook.  If you’re a newcomer to my blog, this will bring you up to speed.  The best compliment I can give Facebook is that it’s the best emotional refuse to date.  That I hate.  What I love is when you’re having a bad day, week, year, life, you can count on your News Feed to deliver one poor sap that’s having a (supposedly) worse time than you are, then capitalize with satirical mockery.  Enter Bitstrips.      Continue reading 11 Ways to use Bitstrips

Attention Deficit, What Was I Saying Again?

I met up with a couple of friends for Fourth of July.  We were knocking back drinks at a local bar and catching up on each others lives.  The food was great and the service was awesome.  The sky was pale orange with a hint of lavender clouds that signaled dusks arrival.  A great end of another Hawaiian day.  Enter SMS.

With the growing anticipation of the upcoming firework show we hurriedly moved from one conversation to the next.  Tried to at least.  One of my friends, lets call her TW.  TW for text whore.  TW made it extremely difficult for the party to get through conversations.  At times, her phone became more important than spoken discussion.  TW claimed that she was multitasking, responding to messages and partaking in the trios confab.

FYI, unless you’re juggling five rabid squirrels and whistling the Juicy Fruit jingle while riding a rusty unicycle, you’re not multitasking.   You’re just switching from one task to another.  Which is what I informed TW.  TW snapped back profanities and evil looks.  Something common in my daily routine.  Life is difficult when you’re right.

Definition of Irony:  The tool created to bring us closer has become the device that brings us closer to detachment.

How to Maintain and Find New Friends on Facebook

In the world of Social Media, there’s nothing more important than how you present yourself to your online networks.  Here are some of my tips to keep and grow a healthy network on Facebook.

1.  Consistently Post Selfies

Show how much you love your Friends by having 98% of your photos be of yourself taken by yourself.   Whether it be fed from your Instagram account or a Tweet, your Facebook Friends will happily reward your narcissistic behaviour.  The other 2% can be of food.

2.  Be Super at being Superficial

The next time you see someones selfie,  leave them with a comment.  One word will suffice.  “Cute”, “Sexy” or “Hot” will do.  When you pretend care about your network, your network will pretend care about you.  Not only do you cultivate your Friends with pretend care, deep down you know your shit is better than theirs.   Continue reading How to Maintain and Find New Friends on Facebook

5 Reasons Why I’ve Fallen in Love With Googles’ Android

Photo Credit:  GoogleThe attraction began three years ago when I witnessed a friend use her Galaxy phone.  At that time I was intrigued by what the Android platform could offer.  She was the only one with an Android phone and I, myself included, was surrounded by iPhone lemmings.  This isn’t a bash Jobs post but more of a Why wasn’t I notified about this shit earlier, post.

In July 2013, I invested in a Galaxy Tab2 and my Android hymen was broken.

1.  The Android operating system is Open Source

So what if it’s open source.  Big deal.  The deal is, developers are allowed to modify the software.  Translation being Android devices are enhanced by the community of developers, extending the functionality of the device and we the consumers reap the benefits.  If you hate Jailbreaking your Apple device after every update, then how the operating system functions is a big deal.  Apple says, This is my toy. I will play with my toy and you can look but don’t touch.  Google says, This is our toy.  We created this toy to share with you and if you want, make the toy better so everyone can enjoy it.  Microsoft says,  What the fuck happened to my toy?
Continue reading 5 Reasons Why I’ve Fallen in Love With Googles’ Android

The Times They Are a-Changin’

A conversation with a friend, lead to tears of laughter. I’ll tell you why. Facebook chat was on the fritz with this friends computer. Or so I thought. Through back on forth wall posts and comments, doing my best to help, it was discovered the culprit was not Facebook or the computer. It was the computer illiterate female user. I added “female” in hopes of a more empathetic understanding but bigotry is one of my little side talents.

In the midst of social media, where wall posts, IMs, Tweets, texts, sexts and Words With Friends are the norm for communication, I decides to “call” her. I know, weird.  Who the hell makes calls? One step closer to the big crescendo. I walk her through, finding the “Go Online” link. She finds it. All is good.

Crack open a brewsky and fire up the hibachi, Houston we have lift off. She’s ecstatic, and sending many thank yous my way. I gracefully send my sarcasm, carefully wrapped with a honi honi (kiss kiss), and conclude the phone call saying, Good it’s working, I’m going to hang up the phone and jump on Facebook Chat.
Tears of laughter.
Today, I communicated with at least 15 different people from the cushions of my home. None of them were on the phone. Okay…one of them was my mom. The times are changing, leaving Alexander Graham Bell, to turn in his grave. This is the world we live in today. Drowning in technology, swimming against pixel-ized acronyms. omg. lol. wtf. hijklmonp. Facebooking at opposite ends of the couch. Or the bar. Or in bed, lying side by side and giggling as if you tied someones shoelaces together.

Humor me. Leave a comment here, or share this on FB and Twitter. If you’re 29 going on 13, slap it on your Myspace. Whatever you do, don’t call me on my phone. That would be utterly ridiculous.