Tag Archives: humor

The Not Vanilla Shake

Cravings come in all shapes and colors.  For some, it’s as simple as something edible.  For others, it could be mind altering, detrimental even, such as caffeine, nicotine, crack cocaine or Justin Bieber.

The former was mine and it was screaming vanilla shake.  Not just any vanilla shake.  A Jack in the Box vanilla shake.  The true test of a shake is how much shake you can get in your mouth on the first sip of the straw.  If you can get a cheek full of liquid, then it’s simply a cold drink. With a Jack in the Box shake, the first sip you’ll get, for all intents and purposes, is  jack.    Continue reading The Not Vanilla Shake

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Check Please

I’ll write my first post of this year, reminding myself of the trials and tribulations of dating.  Yippie…

Rollback the year to 2008. America is on the cusp of electing our first black President, Katy Perry is kissing a girl, Heath Ledger does a remarkable Joker impersonation and Kipp goes on a date with a girl ten years younger.

Ironically I met this girl on Facebook, where I typically fend off would be followers.  Daycee, a 20 year old single mother with a pretty profile picture, is the harbinger of intolerance.  More about that later.  She suggests a time and place to meet and I easily comply, being the intelligent gentlemen I is.    Continue reading Check Please

Excuse Me Sir, Do You Mind Putting Out Your Stupidity

Sorry, but stupidity can’t be snuffed out as easily as a cigarette.  Although I wish it could.  There are two points (possibly more, but who has the time?) about the county of Big Islands bill, to raise the purchase of tobacco products from 18 to 21.  If you can’t tell from the header, I’m an opponent to the bill and philosophy.     Continue reading Excuse Me Sir, Do You Mind Putting Out Your Stupidity

Hershel Strikes Back: Ten More Thoughts From A Dehydrating Turtle

It is a dark time for the rebellion.  Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel…whoops, sorry wrong sequel.

Hershel and I meet up again to discuss current events, video games and his views on domestic violence.

Ten more thoughts for Hershel:

  1. I just came back from a vacation in the Galapagos.  There’s people like me but on land.  Walking turtles.  Fucking crazy.  I bet somewhere there are hairless apes that walk upright.    Continue reading Hershel Strikes Back: Ten More Thoughts From A Dehydrating Turtle

Leaving Reality and Three Stories You Should Listen To

Like a bandit in the old west, my earbuds are my trusty six shooter and it’s holster, my mp3 player.  When it’s fully loaded with an ammunition of songs, I am ready to take on any varmint at High Noon.  Although I am unwilling to share my cover of Wanted Dead or Alive, I will be candid with my taste in music.  You will find that I commonly park my hoss at the Hard Rock saloon, in between Pop Rock Barber Shop and the Bank of Alternative.   My usual orders are awesome riffs and solos like More Than A Feeling by Boston or hypnotic vocals from any song sung by Freddie Mercury.  If the bartend ain’t serving any joy juice, my earbuds double as buffer, eliminating pesky advances from bar prostitutes.  Sometimes you just need a time-out from reality.

The following are three personal short stories representing an attachment with music, using songs as a supplement and a guide.  Playing them is not necessary, but it adds another dimension to the story.  In any case, they’re kick ass songs.    Continue reading Leaving Reality and Three Stories You Should Listen To

11 Ways to use Bitstrips

An accidental discovery wound up consuming an entire day.  Well, not the entire day because I advanced a few levels in Candy Crush, but most of it anyways.  First of all, I can’t draw for shit.  Shapes, no problem.  Unless it’s a decagon, because it has just as much sides as my ex-girlfriend.  Second, I think thought bubbles are genius.  It’s like saying something, but not really.

I’d like to reiterate how much I love-hate Facebook.  If you’re a newcomer to my blog, this will bring you up to speed.  The best compliment I can give Facebook is that it’s the best emotional refuse to date.  That I hate.  What I love is when you’re having a bad day, week, year, life, you can count on your News Feed to deliver one poor sap that’s having a (supposedly) worse time than you are, then capitalize with satirical mockery.  Enter Bitstrips.      Continue reading 11 Ways to use Bitstrips